Dents, Flaws, & Character Development: Exhibit A

Lots of things shape us as children.  In relaying my story so far, I've focused on situations or people that influenced my life early on.  But, there were three decisions that I made growing up that greatly influenced me long-term.   They helped shape me into who I am today. 

For ease, I am calling them Exhibits A, B, & C.   This time we'll explore Exhibit A, and the next time it will be Exhibits B & C.

Exhibit A: Tooting My Own Horn

"Music lessons as a child".  Does this ring any bells?  I am guessing that some of you can really relate.

​My foray into the world of music began in the 4th grade.   I was nine years old, and can still remember playing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” on these black plastic Tonettes.  We practiced and practiced in class.  Then, we had a “concert” for our parents.  Of course, the whole idea behind the Tonettes was to teach music, and introduce the idea of band, which started in 5th grade.   
 
I remember the day that they introduced the different band instruments to us.  After showing us the instruments and demonstrating them, they ended the class period with THE QUESTION.  “Do you want to play in the band?  If the answer was yes, and our parents agreed, then the next question was, “Which instrument did you want to play?” 
 
At the time, I certainly didn't realize that I was encountering a life decision.  I didn't realize that there could be long-term life-shaping ramifications from this decision.  I treated the decision using the same "decision-making grid" that I used for choosing a position to play in little league.  You see, in little league baseball I always wanted to be the catcher.  Desperately!  But, not because I could play the position.  It was because I got to wear all the stuff.   So, my draw towards band was probably a variation of that.  When the question was asked, I just knew that I wanted to join the band.  The decision was made "in the moment".  Totally right brain.  In reality, I was mostly dazzled by the shiny instruments.   

​When it came to getting a band instrument, it really boiled down to this.  I heard “play” and my dad heard “buy”!  Amazing how that happens.  At first I wanted to play the drums, but he was against it. He’d played the drum in his high school marching band, and he preferred that I play something more melodic.  So, I chose the trumpet.   In making that decision, it never dawned on me that it would cost my parents more than a week’s pay to make it happen.  So, without realizing it, when my dad made the commitment to buy it, I made the commitment to play it – and I did so for eight years.  
 
To say I didn’t understand music was an major understatement.  To me, it was pushing buttons on an instrument that corresponded with black lines and marks on a paper.  It was an intellectual exercise.  Mostly left brain.  I had no idea what a chord was.   I "heard" harmonies when I sang, but not when I played the trumpet.  I relied solely on the sheet of music in front of me.  Also, I rarely played the melody.  So when I practiced my “part” at home, the music did NOT sound very pleasing – at all!  

To top it off, a trumpet can’t be played very quietly either.   Not really.  Pianissimo for a trumpet is relative.  It’s never truly quiet – especially when there are no other competing sounds.  It is just "a bit" quieter.  Think about it, a  bugle is used in the army because - it stands out.  So, it was never comforting to overhear a neighbor comment to my mom - in a lilting voice, “I heard Randy practicing yesterday.”  It was proof to me that I couldn’t hide, especially with the windows open in the heat of the summer.

In high school, I advanced to marching band - in addition to concert band.  I memorized the music and my steps in a routine.  I knew to take four steps left, then seven steps right, and pivot and do it backwards.  I didn’t know the “big picture”, so it didn’t make sense to me.  I fumbled and locked on to the band mates next to me.  I went where they went, and I was "average" at best – for four years.   But, I did get to wear a uniform.

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​Yet, I guess I was good enough, or maybe young enough, to be asked to play solos at church, nursing homes, VBS, and youth events.  I dreaded performing.  I absolutely hated it.  I was usually asked about three or four times a year.  Intuitively, I could just sense when it was about my turn to play in church.  I was seldom wrong.  I could spot the music coordinator angling across the church - zeroed in on me.    She would ask, “Randy, would be able to play at church in three weeks?”  I would cringe, and then meekly agree.  
 
Then, I would practice, and practice, and plead with God to help me get through it. 
 
Occasionally, I would “totally choke”.  It was painful, uncomfortable, and I wanted to hide.  I was literally a "squeaky wheel" in those moments.   But, I never died.  Imagine that!   I always got through it.  And, the trumpet experience taught me some valuable things about my belief system.  My view of God was definitely performance-based.  I would PROMISE God that I would be good, if he would just help me get through the solo.   I bargained.  Cajoled.  Pleaded.  As I look back, it seemed like I viewed God like a vending machine.  I thought that if I put in the “right stuff”, then I would get what I wanted in return.  My relationship with God was mostly one-sided.  My participation in the relationship was periodic, and only when I needed something that I thought He had - like HELP!  Maybe you've been there, too.
 
Playing the trumpet shaped my character, though.   I learned to persevere and not quit.  Finish what I started.  I also learned to get up and perform in front of a crowd.  I learned to "toot my own horn" - so to speak.   It stretched me to do things that were uncomfortable.  It moved me out of the shadows.  And, it shaped me considerably.  The exposure to situations that I didn't understand helped to develop a "tolerance for ambiguity" that would serve me well later on.  More on that down the road.

With the entire band experience, I had a love/hate relationship .  I didn't understand it, but I knew it was good for me to do.   I learned to practice, perform, and do things as a group.  Our band director instilled excellence within us.  It was also the first decision that I made that had affected me beyond the here and now.  And, I can't imagine my journey without it.  It was my first exposure to music and musicians - and it prepped me for a lifetime of encounters.

I also began to realize something about my learning style - as I got older.  Besides being a “hands on” learner, I was also a visual learner.  The more I understood or saw the “bigger picture”, the better I was at managing the specific details to make it happen. 
 
Hmmm!  That sounds kind of important.

Come back next time for two more snapshots.  Hint: one's a dent and the other a flaw.   Together, they are Exhibits B and C.     

Next Time: ​Dents, Flaws, & Character Development: Exhibits B & C

​Photo Credits:
Carr Collection